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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:18:49 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:18:49 GMT -5
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:19:57 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:19:57 GMT -5
andrex didn't know if their new toilet paper would sell ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:20:54 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:20:54 GMT -5
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:27:28 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:27:28 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300]Pingu's last practical joke didn't go down too well with Paul the polar bear[/glow]
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:30:16 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:30:16 GMT -5
Tracy didn't like her new pooh bear teddy
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:40:40 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:40:40 GMT -5
Big drinker ;D ;D ;D
In their local pub, a man and a woman are having a pint. When the man goes to the toilet, another man sits in his seat and starts chatting to the woman. 'I'm going to shag you here and now,' proclaims the man. 'No you won't ' I'll get my husband,' she replies. 'And then,' continues the man, 'I'm going to strip you naked and lick your body.' 'When my husband gets back, he'll kill you!' she warns. 'And once that's over with, I'm going to fill your pussy up with beer and then drink it through a straw!' 'Right, that does it!' she yells, running off to get her husband.
A few minutes later, she returns with him and explains what the pest had said. 'He said he was going to shag me,' cries the lady while her husband takes off his coat. 'And then he said he wanted to lick my naked body,' she sobs as her husband rolls up his sleeves. 'And worst of all, he said he was going to fill my pussy with beer and drink it all up through a straw!'
At this, the man rolls his sleeves down, puts his coat back on and heads for the door. 'What are you doing'' protests the woman. To which the man replies, 'I'm not fighting anyone who can drink that much beer!'
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JOKES
Dec 2, 2004 13:43:43 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 2, 2004 13:43:43 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]An old Cowboy
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women." The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian." [/glow]
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JOKES
Dec 3, 2004 4:08:46 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 3, 2004 4:08:46 GMT -5
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JOKES
Dec 3, 2004 4:19:28 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 3, 2004 4:19:28 GMT -5
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JOKES
Dec 3, 2004 15:55:56 GMT -5
Post by Lagg on Dec 3, 2004 15:55:56 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]HEY! I found a pic of Babysealbeater![/glow] [glow=red,2,300]And Snoopy![/glow] [glow=red,2,300]And Vision, after flying![/glow] [glow=red,2,300];p[/glow]
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JOKES
Dec 4, 2004 15:53:53 GMT -5
Post by SniperVision on Dec 4, 2004 15:53:53 GMT -5
Lagg GOOD one man! ;D ;D ;D
Ok heres mine, bit long but good!
There once was a black fly and he had flown around all day and was very tired, all he had to do was fly to his home across the lake. so off he went!
[glow=red,2,300]But[/glow] what he didnt know, was there was a trout. under that water that was watching him, as he flew about 10 inches above the water. and he was thinking man if that fly would only drop 6 inches i could eat him!
[glow=red,2,300]But[/glow] what the trout didnt know was that there was a bear sitting in the wood watching him, and the only way he could get the trout was if it were to come up, so he thought man i wish.....
That the fly would drop 6 inches then the trout would go after the fly and i could get the trout, and eat
[glow=red,2,300]But[/glow] what the bear did not know was there was a hunter sitting in the woods that wanted to shoot him. and HE thought man i wish......
That the fly would drop 6 inches then the trout would go after the fly, the bear after the tourt and i could shoot the bear and eat!
[glow=red,2,300]But[/glow] what the hunter didnt know was there was a mouse looking at the sandwitch he was eating, and the mouse was thinking man i wish.....
That the fly would drop 6 inches then the trout would go after the fly, the bear after the trout, the hunter would shoot the bear, drop the sandwich and i could eat!
[glow=red,2,300]But[/glow] what the mouse didnt know was that there was a Cat sitting behind the bush, and he was thinking man i wish........
That the fly would drop 6 inches then the trout would go after the fly, the bear after the trout, the hunter would shoot the bear, drop the sandwich, mouse after the sandwitch and i could eat.......
ALL OF A SUDDEN IT HAPPENED
THE FLY DROP 6 INCHES, THE TROUT ATE THE FLY> THE BEAR ATE THE TROUT> THE HUNTER SHOT THE BEAR (droping the sandwitch)> THE MOUSE ATE THE SANDWITCH< THE CAT JUMPED MISSED THE MOUSE AND FELL IN THE LAKE!
MORAL OF THE STORY
I bet you hate me for makeing you read all that lol
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puppydog
New Member
I see you! :)
Posts: 1
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JOKES
Dec 4, 2004 21:36:47 GMT -5
Post by puppydog on Dec 4, 2004 21:36:47 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]TEXT[/glow] TEXTA Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman have been stuck up a mountain for weeks when they come across a brass lamp. Upon giving it a rub a Magic Genie appears, "What is your wish my masters?" asks the Genie, "We want to get off this mountain!" was the reply. "OK Masters,"says the Genie," All you have to do is run off this cliff, shout what you'ld like to land on and it shall be so!" First up is the Scotsman.....he takes a run and a jump and shouts "Whiskyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........!" 'SPLASH!' and he lands in a lake of whisky. ;D Second up is the Englishman...he takes a run and a jump and shouts "Moneeeyyyyyyyyyy......!" 'Poof!' and he lands in a pile of paper money. ;D The Irishman takes a run up, trips and shouts, " ShIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttt!"
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Dec 5, 2004 10:43:47 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 5, 2004 10:43:47 GMT -5
Chocolate chip Cookies
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength,and lifted himself from bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......
"F**k off!" she said, "they're for the funeral."
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JOKES
Dec 5, 2004 10:44:27 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 5, 2004 10:44:27 GMT -5
Learner Taxi Driver
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab....I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years
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JOKES
Dec 5, 2004 10:46:11 GMT -5
Post by Riddick on Dec 5, 2004 10:46:11 GMT -5
A duck walks into a pub...
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck". "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck. "And you talk!" exclaims the landlord. "I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!". "Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call". So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!". "Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?". "At the circus", says the landlord. "The circus?", the duck enquires. "That's right", replies the landlord. "The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck. "That's right!", says the landlord. The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"
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